by Tim Haley (Mentor), June 2008

Men,

I wanted to share with you an experience that I had this past weekend.

Having attended men’s initiation training in April, I received my first issue of the newsletter a few weeks ago and read with interest the article by Kevin Angell on the New England Boys to Men program.

It sounded like a worthy effort and as an initiated man I signed up for the mentor training weekend figuring it was an opportunity to give back, to simply lend a hand to their efforts.

Like the men’s training I tried to approach the weekend with an open mind and with limited expectations. I thought there would be a chance I’d meet men who would inspire me – and I did, that there might also be parts of the weekend that would challenge me to grow – and there were.

What I wasn’t aware of until I arrived in Vermont on Saturday morning, is that the weekend would involve seven teenagers (J-Men as they are called in the program) who were there to help run and participate in the training.

These J-Men were not unlike the teens that hang around in the center of my town. Teens that I pass on a daily basis and who because I think of myself as a nice guy I tolerate.

I was touched by the teens this weekend in a way that I was not prepared for – in a way that I’m sure I don’t yet fully comprehend.

Looking into their eyes I saw parts of who I was as a teenager (that still live in me) I also saw in them parts of who I wish I had been (and can still be). To look into their eyes and see the depth of their compassion and understanding blew me away.

They saw through me and their eyes told me that they knew more about my teenage self then I would have ever been willing to expose. And then they did something magical… they accepted me and in doing so they gave me the courage and the permission to accept myself.

They reminded me of the raw beauty that I walk by everyday and fail to recognize. They showed me that in “just tolerating” I not only deprive them but I’m depriving myself.

It’s easy with all that is going on in our world to become cynical. As one leader shared his experience he spoke of how whenever he was around these J-Men he always left feeling better about himself, about his future and about the future of our world.

I’d like to encourage all of you to check out the Boys to Men New England website and if you feel compelled to get involved. As I understand it, the New England chapter is just getting started. Dave Bolduc and his team are doing some really good work, but they need more men to step up and make it happen.

The website address is: www.boystomennewengland.org

Peace,

Tim Haley
Arlington, MA